The Sem in my Life

My name is Nicol - Hebrew name is Geula. My relationship to hashem and living a more Torah life has been rather complex over the years. I have never felt like I could fully commit to it or that I was worthy of a healthy relationship with the creator given my past experiences and life decisions. That’s not to say that I was ever a “rebel” or had zero faith in Hashem and the Torah, I was always struggling to stay focused and fulfill all the mitzvahs in accordance with challacha. I felt very trampled by all the laws and specific customs that I gave up on it altogether. I find that in the darkest hours, temptation and distraction creep up on you the hardest. I always had a deep yearning for spirituality and living a more purposeful life of truth and meaning; however, it was way easier said than done.

I never wanted it bad enough to fully commit and the path of doing it alone given that my family, colleagues, and peers were either not into it or further along in their Judaism  made the act of growth a lot more isolating and cumbersome. After ending a long relationship and battling some inner demons, hashem sent me the signs I needed to make the next move into growing in my yiddishkeit. I knew that the healthiest next move in my life was to be in a community of strong Jewish women.

Three of my best friends were in The Toronto Sem program since its inception and they were the ones who told me I should join. I was super excited to learn Torah laws alongside some of my closest girlfriends but was also excited to make new friends as well. I love surrounding myself with like minded, growth oriented women who radiate wholesomeness, purity, and positivity. What better way to heal from something as difficult as a break up than to be around people that encompass the values you want to embody everyday.

A couple of months later after hearing about the program, the Jewish family that I eat by on most Friday nights had a guest that I knew from previous Aish events who was in the seminary program. I was so excited to that she was there because we haven’t seen each other in a long time. At that point I was connected to olami because I was learning weekly with a mentor who also told me about the seminary and to message Liat. I was nervous to make that next step because I wasnt sure how I would make it work with my other commitments. However, where there’s a will there’s a way. I’m still rather new to the program and have been doing it for only a few weeks but have been committed to making it to every class thus far.

One of the best experiences Ive had in a long time was joining a lady’s shabbaton with my sem girls and educators where I got to experience the mitzvah of Shabbat first had. We ate, we told story’s, we Sang and danced it was an experience I missed dearly and memories I’ll cherish forever. I felt so deeply connected to Hashem and what it means to be a Jewish woman in a world where it’s become so hard to maintain purity and divinity.

I look forward to what the future has in store for my Jewish identity and to watch Olami and The Toronto Sem expand as organizations to reach new heights in bringing Jewish women and men closer to our Creator.

Now more than ever it’s important for each Jew to put an effort into their Yiddishkeit especially living in a world where so many groups are against our solidarity. This thought drives me more than anything to wake up everyday and do something special for Hashem.